Good Bye

This post has been a hard one to write. It has taken me several tries - how to share how I feel and my memories without sounding maudlin or overwrought. This post is dedicated to my cousins, the Morrows and especially to my late cousin, David Lendrum Morrow V.

This has been a busy 2 weeks. Rhiannon has had long rehearsals for the orchestra she is in playing for the production of "A Christmas Carol". I have been preparing for the Armstrong Farmers Christmas Market where I sold my peanut brittle and hats today. Amidst all that flurry of industry I learned of the loss of my cousin, David Morrow. I cried and cried when I found out. Hard to believe he is gone at only 46 years old and more than 20 years since I had last seen him. Then during all this activity, he has been there in the back of my mind - a surge of grief, a funny memory....

Although David is my second cousin, our families were close when I was growing up. For a time they lived in Prince George near us when I was very young. His younger brother, Michael, who is the same age as me, I loved from before I can remember loving anyone. He was like my own self. They left PG for Boise, Idaho and then Orem, Utah after only a year or two and we didn't see each other very often but anytime we did, he brings those same pure childish emotions of love and joy. It survived even all those stinky athletic socks he and Shawn would stuff in my pillow when I lived with them. David and his older sister, Sher were gods the way only kind older cousins can be. Our visits were not often as so many miles seperated our families but when we lived in Cranbrook and they in Idaho, we saw each other a little more often. I can remember Mikey laying in his sleeping bag on the floor beside my bed, asking me to sing him song after song. He thought my voice was beautiful...

When I finished high school, I went to live with the Morrows in Orem while I attended BYU in neighbouring Provo for the next two years. David was playing baseball for BYU and he drove me to and from school whenever he wasn't travelling with his team. In those 2 years he became an older brother I never had. He was a great example of me to unfailing kindness. He listened to my troubles - whether they were my skin struggling to adjust to the Utah dryness or boyfriend worries. He took me to my first (and only) college football game (BYU vs. Bowling Green - what kind of University name is that, anyways?). He took me out to A&W for the super thick milkshakes that preceded Blizzards and pointed out Steve Young to me who was the quarterback for BYU just before he took BYU to number one and was drafted for more than a million dollars. He nick-named me "Drea" - the only nickname that has ever stuck. (I used to call him "Vid" but I don't think that one stuck...)

The first two years I spent away from home, I spent with the Morrows. These were formative years for me. I was with them through the death of their mother to breast cancer. Sometimes I cringe at the thought of my insensitive, self-centred 19 year old self. I hope the memories of me have softened over the years... Mine of this time are only good. I shared a room with my two younger cousins, Melanie and Shannon, right beside Michael and Shawn who would listen with their ears pressed to the vent for me to discover their stinky socks inside my pillow case or who would call through it, begging me to come and rub their feet. But of course there is the time I accidentally died Shawn's jock strap pink in the wash so it all worked out....

And so I light a candle for my cousin, David who passed away this summer from brain cancer. I didn't get a chance to say good bye before you left and so I say it now. Good bye, cousin. Your kindness and thoughtfulness were a lifeline to me. You have been an example of the best of what a man can be. When I think of you, I remember your laugh, your easy smile, your genuine compassion, your happy attitude. My heart goes out to your 5 sons and to Stephanie who must go on with out you and to Mel, Sher, Michael, Shawn, Melanie and Shannon..... Until we meet again....

My Studio

I've written about this room before. Originally this room would have been the front entrance to the house. The room that is now the kitchen was added on after the house was built 105 years ago. There's a stained glass window above the door so I imagine it was a sitting room or something like that.... a parlour? And what is now the living room must have been the kitchen. Or maybe what is now the main entry way was originally a lean-to kitchen? Who knows.

Anyways this great room that has the biggest windows in the house on all 3 sides - facing West, North and East has been grossly under utilized since we moved in 2 and a half years ago. First it was the place we shoved all the boxes we didn't know what to do with. And then everything we didn't know what to do with got shoved in there. The only one who spent much time in there was Rhiannon because the craft stuff was in there and it got to be a mess on top of a mess on top of a mess...

Then we started calling it the 'homeschooling room' as most of our books and resources along with all the craft stuff was in there. My very kind and generous friends came over last January and helped me rearrange the furniture in the living room and this room until we had it looking really great. I just had some last sorting and organizing to do...

In the meantime, Rhiannon moved back in for the craft supplies and eventually you couldn't walk through it any more. Piles of abandonned books on the floor, a layer of drawings and other crafts, tables piled with stuff...

And then some new clients called for counselling. I had been using the Inner Light Yoga space to do my counselling but it was less than ideal and if a client didn't show up, I had to pay for the space anyways not to mention the inconvenience of leaving home... So I decided that this room was going to become.... 'my studio'! It took me an entire week end to clean and organize it from getting the cobwebs down, washing the walls and windows and putting the winter storms up to re-organizing the books and making everything look tidy and inviting.

Now I'm in-love with this room. This is my favourite view - the view through the french doors from the living room. That is my pile of hats and latest wool purchases beside the chair. It is so calm and peaceful in there, I love to just sit there. Or write in my journal beside the window looking out on the apple orchard. Or work on the latest Inner World School project at my table.









Here is the view of the other end of the room that leads into the kitchen on the right. Another great place to sit and read a book as Rhiannon often does looking out over our backyard, under the weeping willow tree to the chicken coop. I'm loving it! When I do counselling, I pull out that floral chair and my rocking chair to the centre of the room and put a pot of tea and mugs on a maple chair that doubles as my tea table.

Update 4: Fall Pictures

These days with all the fancy stencil carved pumpkins, these are my favourites. The one on the left is the one Rhiannon carved and the one on the right is the one that Caleb carved. They spookily lit our porch on Halloween night.




My yellow yard courtesy of the maple tree.
















Rhiannon on her way out the door on the first snow. It didn't stick to the ground but she had fun anyways.

Update3: The Chickens

Well, it seems I have finally pleased the chicken Gods. What was it? Paying $5 each for eight 2 - 4 year old chickens? Feeding them all last winter when I was only getting 0 - 1 egg a day? Willingly buying eggs weekly for the first 18 months of owning laying hens? Whatever it is, my days of 'egg drought' are finally over. And I was greatly blessed in my chick purchase this spring. I ordered 15 Ameraucanas and 10 Buff Orpingtons. They threw in a few extra so in the end I had 26 adult birds and of those only 8 were roosters. That is pretty good considering that the male/female ratio is supposed to be 50/50. So right now I have 24 laying hens (including what is left of my original flock - 4 old hens and then Fluffy who we hatched last summer and Edie who we hatched last January) .

I see this often. In fact I have even got 24 eggs in one day once. And now I get so many eggs that I am selling them and they are even paying for themselves. And Dean doesn't grumble everytime he picks up feed or has to buy eggs.... "why do we have those chickens.... I shouldn't have to buy eggs..." muttering under his breath.

And I have to say that I am so impressed. The first young hens started laying at only 4 months old. And by the time they were 5 months old pretty much everyone was laying. Considering they aren't supposed to start laying until 6 months old (which would have been October), I am very pleased. We're almost sick of eggs now... almost....

Update 2: Hair Routine

So, I promised Pea and Bean this post in the summer. I don't know if it will work for you. Although we have similar curls, I think mine are drier than yours. But here it is. I have been doing the "Curly Girl" routine since shortly after Sarah's wedding when Katie told me about that. When was that? 4 or 5 years ago? Since then, shampoo has not come near my hair.

First of all, I now only clean my hair about twice a week. Sometimes it is only once a week but it is never more than 3. (see mom, in the end, it turns out you were right!) I found that using only conditioner was leaving a real build-up on my hair. For the first time in my dry-haired life, I was getting greasy hair. So my friend and hairdresser when she failed to talk me into using shampoo occasionally, told me to rinse it with baking soda and water.

Step 1: So before I get into the bath (I almost never shower) I hang my head over the shower and pour either a yogurt container with 2 Tablespoons of baking soda in it or for more greasy/sweaty weeks I use a gallon bucket and 4 Tablespoons of baking soda.

Step 2: after rinsing the baking soda out of my hair I use a scrub made of a rich conditioner (Riche by Curelle made in Vancouver) and brown suger. I use about half the amount of conditioner I usually do and then add 2 - 3 Tablespoons of brown sugar. I scrub my scalp with this. This is a recipe from the "Curly Girl" book.

Step 3: after risning the scrub out of my hair, I apply the light conditioner I use (Whenever by Kiss My Face) mixed with 1/2 a lemon (about 2 Tablespoons of lemon juice). Again I use about half the amount of conditioner that I usually do and add the lemon juice. If my hair has be especially tangly, I might apply some of the Riche just to the ends of my hair. Then I rinse it all out. This lemon juice recipe is also from the "Curly Girl" book.

If I wash my hair in the middle of the week, I will use just the light conditioner either by itself or mixed with lemon juice - whatever I think my hair needs. I don't use much product in my hair unless I am going out somewhere that requires dressing up on the evening. I also don't do much to help it dry curly, either unless I am going out. I am just more of a wash-and-go kinda girl. I'm not much into fiddly-farty kind of stuff. However, using the techniques in the Curly Girl books, I have got my hair to look pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself. But most of the time I like my hair soft and flowy. And I must admit that I do occasionally use a hair pic kind of comb on my hair when it is just too knotty for my fingers.

What I would really like to do is learn how to make my own conditioner. All that packaging just seems so wasteful. And my grandmother who was known for her beautiful curly auburn hair didn't use any store bought products. How is it that in the space of 2 generations we have become so dependant on manufactured goods? My Gram once told me that she washed her hair once a week with an egg in the trough. I wonder what she did in the winter? I have actually tried an egg rinse a long time ago in the late '70's but I am just not so up for the cold rinse needed to get the egg out of the hair without cooking it... But that is my next step. Make my own conditioner. How hard can it be?

Update 1: The Sheep

Okay, okay already. At least you are reading my blog, though! hehe! So, the sheep. So we started with 8 sheep with an intention to only have 4 for the winter. These are the ones we are keeping to breed - 3 ewes and 1 ram. Really it is 1 ewe, 2 ewe lambs and 1 ram lamb. At this point we have had the first 2 rams butchered. I sold one to a friend and the other we have been eating. I have to say that Icelandic lamb is the best lamb I have ever tasted. It truly is very mild flavoured. It is very tasty!

That was Oregano and Taragon. I must admit that we didn't take their slaughter easily. Dean had got especially attached to Oregano who was very sweet. He wanted to keep him as a pet.... We all felt sad saying good bye and we had some interesting conversations about the effects of domesticating animals - how unneeded males aren't eliminated in other ways, etc. How they are now so dependant on our intervention and management. As soon as they were dead, though, it was all business. The slaughter guy came to our house and did it here on our property. My homeschooling neighbours took the heads to dissect. That was a bit much for me. I could deal with the carcas but I didn't want to see their faces... I saved the skins which I have washed and are currently rolled up in my freezer waiting for a piece of plywood I can stretch them on... We have two more to be slaughtered - Bubba and Paprika (Pappy). Bubba will be going at the end of this week and Pappy will be around until the spring. He is just too small to be worth it.

So I am in-love with my sheep. I have been tethering them in the hayfield since August. Consequently they have become very tame. And since feeding them many apples, they now come running to me whenever I approach them. Renald is still a bit crusty but that's okay. You don't want a ram who is too friendly. Freya (the white one) jumps up on me like a dog, demanding apples. She can smell them hidden in my pockets! Draga is the sweetest. She will come when I call her name - come running from anywhere like a well trained dog. And she rubs against me to get petted and stays glued to my side when I am out there. Here she is running towards me. How appropriate that her names means 'precious one' in Croatian.

And Brida is just so beautiful. Sometimes I just stand and watch her from afar. She looks so wild and natural with her brown (moorrit) wool and her long horns. She is like the ancient Goddess to me. There is just something so primaevally female about her..... I know, I'm dramatic but that's how I feel when I look at her. I love her!

So breeding could be happening right now. I am not sure. Renald occasionally does that lip thing that rams do when they are sniffing out a female - they turn their top lips inside out and stretch their heads out in front of them. It is rather hilarious. So far no ewe seems especially impressed. They go on eating grass right beside him. I wouldn't mind if they don't breed quite yet. I would rather have April lambs.

I got them shorn at the beginning of September. Bags of wool! Beautiful lambs wool - so soft! And I have managed to work out a trade with a local spinner and mom in our homeschooling group. She is trading with me to clean and spin my wool! I am so excited! I'm going to have to make something great for myself! Unfortunately there will be no brown wool as Brida was shorn so late in the spring it wasn't long enough yet. But I have white and black!

Updates

Okay, so it is really hard to get started blogging again when I haven't for so long. There is so much I want to tell you about what is happening right now but there is so much I want to tell you about the time that has passed since I last blogged that I don't. So my plan is to blog a week of updates and then get back to my regular schedule which is 1 - 5 blogs a week. Not so regular but then neither am I!

Right now it is early Saturday morning. An owl is hooting over my head. The darkness is starting to turn to grey and it is almost time to take the sheep out. For the last 2 months I have been tethering them in the hay field in front of their pen to eat the grass that is growing there. Then I will let the chickens out, feed them and fill up the waters. In my 'unroutine' life, this is my routine. Then maybe, sometime after breakfast, I'll sit down here at the computer again and write an update!

22 Years of Motherhood

Today is my celebration as much as it is hers. Twenty-two years ago she emerged to make me a mother - my much yearned for and much dreamed about daughter.

She came home from Calgary for her birthday. When I complained that she was leaving too little time for me and spending it all with her friends, she granted me the privilege of making dinner for her and all her friends. It was supposed to be 6 friends but somehow there ended up to be about 15 or so. Good thing I made 2 huge lasagnes. No left overs. And every plate and bowl I own is now dirty.

They have just left and I am exhausted in a happy way. It was such a pleasure to have so many of her friends here and listen to them joke and laugh and see the distance between my daughter and I get smaller and smaller as she becomes more of an adult. This year we pass the half way point. She is now more than half my age. My house was full of their young confident energy.

Of course, I make them all watch videos of her talking and singing at age 4. She was so cute! And I watch her at her party, my incredibly beautiful daughter. Happy. Sparkling. Nothing could be a greater gift to me.

Political Ramblings

So, it is true, I am back online. I have been back online since my last post. The difficulty for me with lack of posting is that I have TOO MUCH to write about! Too many posts itching at my fingers. One just has to start somewhere!

So, another election. I am left feeling like an alien. Or maybe that is wishful thinking that I have someplace else to go other than here... I look around my community and I just can't believe that I think that much differently for those around me! These are my disappointments:

1. Elizabeth May didn't get into parliament. Why did she run against a Conservative cabinet minister? Why?! I wish she had run somewhere she could have been more likely to get in.
2. No Greens got in. I can't believe with our environment in the shape that it is in that more people didn't vote with that in mind.
3. Lowest ever voter turnout in Canadian history. I wonder what it would be like if everyone actually voted? That would be a very interesting thing to see. It saddens me to see my fellow Canadians become more and more apathetic.

And maybe I don't have the right to complain. Here is my true confession. For the first time since I reached the age of majority, I missed voting. I waited for Dean to come home from work. I thought the polls were open until 8pm. But no, they closed at 7 and we drove up at 7:15 as they were carrying the stations out of the school. I felt so terrible. Of course I blamed it on Dean and told him if the Green's lost by 2 votes, he had better feel guilty! They lost by a lot more than 2 here in red-neck-ville anyways.

Love the One You're With...

No, really, everything is fine with Dean. It's the apples. I have mostly had access to an Italian Prune plum since I lived in Sidney and was going to UVic. I have come to love their golden flesh. When I moved here, two years ago, there were 5 acres planted in plums. I picked bucket after bucket and dried them and froze them and made plum pie and plum crisp. I went into last winter with 5 gallon jars full of dried plums. And that doesn't count all the peanut butter jars full. Well, my landlady cut down most of the plum trees and put in a horse pasture! And then from the remaining plum trees, she allowed me to pick a total of 2 buckets. I have one gallon jar of dried plums, no pie, no crisp and no frozen plums for making upside down plum cake in the winter... But my landlady couldn't care less about the 14 apple trees in front of my house. Right now the ground is covered in Spartans. Normally I make a few apple crisps, a few pies, can 12 pints of applesauce and make some apple juice and some apple butter. That doesn't even use up the apples from ONE tree. So I have told myself that it is time to stop moping about the plums. I am going to have to actually buy some but it probably won't be the 300 lbs or so I am used to. This year is the year of the apple. So far I have 41 pints of applesauce. And 3 gallons of dried apples. I have made many apple crisps and I am about to make apple juice and apple butter today. And Abbie is going to send me a recipe for canned apple pie filling. And I am going to go systematically through my Betty Crocker Cookbook and make all her apple recipes. Any other suggestions?

Withdrawl

So, we are currently without internet. And they have to come to the house to fix it so it won't be on until this Friday and then I'll be on my way to Calgary for our annual end of summer fling. This will be the first year we won't be back-to-school shopping for anyone. We'll be chilling and hanging with our peeps!

Anyways, it is probably a good thing that we are not plugged in right now. There is so much to do at this time of year and I am already busier than usual. We have had company pretty steadily since the neices and nephews came in April. We've had only a week or two between visits or our own excursions. I have loved the company! But it has put me seriously behind on my food preservation.

It is interesting to see what our life is like without access to the world wide web. We read more books and talk more to each other and get more accomplished in general. I really have to learn to regulate myself better when we are hooked up again.

In the meantime I have discovered a fantastic knitting book by Cat Bordhi. It is called New Pathways for Sock Knitters. Laura, you have to get it or at least check it out of your library. (you, too, Joanne) It teaches you how to knit socks with 2 circular needles so you won't have to figure out all that dpn stuff and she is amazing. She takes complex knitting and reduces it to simply increasing and decreasing and her explanations are really, really good. I usually find written instructions difficult to say the least if I have never done it before but she is very clear and breaks it down. She suggests that you practise by knitting baby socks. H already has a pair of pink bamboo that I took to her last night. Right now I have another pair on the needles for Elizabeth in the same self striping yarn as Rhiannon's socks. What else do you do while sitting through swimming lessons?

What Cool Rainy Days Are Good For

Well, nothing shuts down a conversation like a political rant, right? Oh well, I hope that at least it made some of the few people who read my blog think for a bit. Not that you all don't already think. But maybe it will urge us toward more action.

But what cool rainy days are good for is finishing those socks I started in April on our bus trip to Vancouver. These are the first pair of socks that I have ever knit and it wasn't so bad! I did decide to knit them for Rhiannon who has the smallest feet in our family and I told her that I wasn't promising to finish them until October. So look! I'm early! And no, before you non-knitters or novice knitters ooh and ahh over all those colour changes I did, it is really no big deal. It is self striping yarn. I didn't do anything but knit and try really hard to knit it with the same tension on the second sock. I did have to pull that one out a couple of times and loosen up so that the pattern would match. They were done all except the kitchener stitch to join the toe of the second sock by May. Yesterday afternoon with the help of knitty.com, I finished and Rhiannon couldn't wait to put them on...

And I have some pale blue bamboo for the next pair... what can I say? It was on sale... hush, Mary Sue about the size of my stash... I won't even tell you about the other wool I bought that was also on sale... But how could I resist mohair at $2.99 a ball? And that lovely Briggs and Little in that cool greeny brown? Or that dark blue all for $2.99 a skein...

And as Rhiannon rides off with her friend, I call after her, "be careful with those socks"...

Ideas

Last night Rhiannon and I went for a before-bed-swim after that 36 degree day. Then we went for a dilly bar at DQ. And so we were driving around and I turned on the radio to listen to Ideas. It may have been a rerun but it was about homelessness. While we were listening, they played excerpts from a conference on homelessness in Calgary earlier in the year. In particular, there was a particularly articulate and knowledgeable woman, Susan Scott, a journalist and author of two books who read aloud a letter she had written to a friend she called Clarissa. Susan Scott carefully explained the legislation and attitudes that have brought about our current problems with homelessness. It was heartrending to listen to. For me, it was all to real. For 5 years I worked with many people in this area who were sometimes couch surfing and usually one step away from being homeless. And listening to their stories, and learning about them as individuals, I realized that really, "but for the grace of God go I". What separated me from them was mostly circumstances and support. Often they had absolutely no supports in their lives. In that case, one little thing goes wrong and it can be a real domino effect.

Tears came to my eyes listening to this reality and thinking about these people whom I had come to care very deeply about who put a face on poverty for me. Tears came to my eyes as I contemplated our society and our country from this perspective. My heart was wrenched and my efforts seemed puny. I wished that in one broad stroke I could change all of that, set it right in an instant so that all this suffering could end.

And so my commitment and passion for what I strive to create with others at the Inner World School is renewed. I truly believe that by healing ourselves and then our families and communities is the only real way to heal the world. I believe that by children growing up with self confidence and understanding and compassion for themselves will we have the leaders for tomorrow that our world needs.

It is so convenient to look at China (the media's current favourite) or Afghanistan or Kosovo or wherever and point our judging finger and organize protests and march and boycott and speak out. There is nothing wrong with those efforts. It only seems to me that we get all passionate about issues that we don't understand all the complexities of and that exist in another society, in another culture half a world away where we can have so very little effect. What about right here? What about in our own communities where we can really do something? Where the effort required is more than an afternoon spent at a protest but where we can have a huge impact? What about in our own lives? Our own choices? What about our own politics? I think we are lulled into thinking about other places and find it so easy to judge instead of asking these hard questions and actually DOING something. It is easier to sign an online petition and think, "well, that's all I can do..." and feel somehow satisfied and as though we have done something than to really look at the heart wrenching problems and wrestle with the complexities and think and discuss and change. That takes real, deep effort and passion.

In the silence in the van after Ideas is over and I turn off the radio, my almost 8 year old daughter in the back seat says to me, "Mom, why is there money?" and I explain bartering and how we came to use money. And she says, "But why do we even have to barter and trade? Why don't we just share what we have? Why doesn't everyone share?" And answering her as honestly as I could, I talked a little about greed and the widespread fear that there will not be enough that leads to hoarding and I talked about trust. Mostly I think it is because we do not trust each other to genuinely care about one another that if we share, we will be left with not enough for ourselves. We don't trust that we are loved. And I don't think that is because others do not love us well enough. I think it is because we don't love ourselves enough. From there it all follows. When we learn to love ourselves as the mighty and powerful, graceful and compassionate, amazing people that we are, our love will flow.

That old commandment, "love thy neighbour as thyself" which is really two commands and the one naturally flows from the other.

So, I challenge you to think about your own community and your place in it. I challenge you to listen to the broadcast that I did last night that can be found here or http://odeo.com/episodes/22540477-Losing-Place

And listen, really listen what is said. If you don't have most of an hour to listen, listen just to Susan Scott's part. It starts at 15 minutes, 13 seconds and goes for about 10 minutes. Just listen.

Sweetness

Sweet. That is how I would describe the 10 day visit of my youngest sister. The days were sweet and easy and the time with her was sweet and that is how I would describe her - very sweet.

It is strange to have a sister 21 years younger. Six months older than my own daughter. Funny, that! My daughter who thinks I am unbearably strange and weird (although I think there is some strange pride as she delights in telling all her friends how weird I am) but makes a point in NOT being interested in my life; and then my sister of the same age who is so interested! We have never lived in the same house. And due to a few reasons which I won't go into here, she grew up without knowing me. And I missed out on her growing up. What a gift she gave me with this 10 day visit.

It was really so easy to have her here. We are interested in so many of the same things. We had great philosophical discussions and the sharing of good books read, long bike rides and lots of lake time. Rhiannon was especially in heaven. Here is an aunt who is totally on the same page - loves to read, draw, make music and swim! I must admit, the house seems particularly quiet without her beautiful, emotional piano playing. We all loved hearing her play. She seemed happy to spend hours teaching and playing her adoring niece different duets.

Here are some photographic highlights:

A bonus of having her here is that she drew her twin down for an action packed day. See proof - both 'fubs checking out my sheep! And at Jade Bay taking in some rays and spending some mermaid time. And I swear, Ben is the only person I know who can create a wake on a floaty!





We did lots with the three of us (actually 5 if you count Zeus and Jodi). Here we are for a picnic supper down at Cosen's Bay. Too cold for me to go in but nothing kept these two mermaids out!











Here we are on Friday night for a picnic supper of samosas from the farmer's market at Ellison Beach on Okanagan Lake. Too bad it was so windy! But we still had fun. We had an adventure of a rolling water bottle that took half an hour to find!







And here we are at the bay at Ellison, trying to get a group shot. Amy has a theory that some pictures are so bad, it is just wrong to delete them. Our attempts at a group shot were rather comical. The first time, we tried to run on the rocky beach without any kind of footwear and didn't make it in time for the picture. Next I accidentally set it on 2 seconds instead of 2 pictures so we have the big butt/little butt pic. We almost got it the second time and finally we did get it the way we wanted to. Rhiannon wanted us to put our arms up.






























Here is a photo just before our last long bike ride.

I miss her. Its hard to think that after such a sweet visit, she is moving so very far away:( to Nova Scotia. But I have always wanted to see the Atlantic Ocean...

Thanks Amy for so kindly sharing yourself with me and my family!

We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Broadcast....

So, my reflections about my Northern visit were this: Prince George looks the same as it always does. I can still find my way around everywhere. It does look a little worn down. Roads are not very well taken care of and building needing fresh paint. I loved how much the same my Aunt's house was. My family moved a lot so it is nice to have that touchstone in my life.

When I went through Smithers 9 years ago (the last time I was up there), it seemed virtually unchanged from when I had lived there 16 years previously. This time it had changed. Businesses had spread to the other side of the highway. It seemed 3x bigger. The main downtown still had that cute Bavarian theme thing going on but the new stuff was mostly urban sprawl. Still it was good to see Smithers thriving.

Now Terrace seemed very depressed. When I was growing up, there were 4 mills right in downtown. When I returned 9 years ago, there were 2. Now there were none. Half of the shops in downtown and the mall were empty. Disappointingly there was now a WalMart on the edge of town. But something that I really noticed was that the aboriginal population was much more prominent. Of course there have always been a lot of Natives in Terrace. But when I was growing up, it was still reeling from the fall out of the residential schools. I knew adults less than 10 years older than me who had experienced the horrors of these residential schools. I have heard stories first hand about how they were rounded up without even a chance to say good bye to their families, how they were treated like animals and worse. When I was growing up, there really were alot of Natives with alcohol problems. You really would see them lying around, their houses and yards a mess. This time, I could see that there has been a lot of healing from that. In fact, I hardly saw any white people. It seems that the First Nations up there are reclaiming their traditional lands, are succeeding in business, are thriving. I noticed in Burns Lake as we drove through. You could still see the outline of where the letters used to be for Lake District Secondary School. Instead were new lettering in some aboriginal language with an English translation underneath "community gathering place". Somehow I felt heartened by that.

It seemed a lot more different this time than it did 9 years ago. Although then it had been 16 years since I lived there and 10 years since I had been back, it was like stepping back in time. This time, time had moved on. It was different. Better and worse in different ways. And as much as my soul longs to see those places and smell those smells and feel the vibe up there, it was so obvious that you can never go home. Sometimes I wish I had never left but I don't really wish to go back. And I reflected a lot on the effects of moving so often as a child and what as a result I have tried to do by living here in Vernon. I have wanted my children to have what I didn't - to grow up in a place. To have people know them their whole lives. I have lived in Vernon here for 14 years. That is a big investment. It is a grounding force that keeps me here. The sunshine and the lakes and the growing climate and the ski hills all help. I like it that my children can be hanging at the skate park and be pretty sure that someone who knows their mother will likely see them... I think it helps to hold them in place to know that there are people who know them and care about them who notice them in the community.

The end result? I really have to visit up North more often. I miss it so much, I need to get my fix a little closer together than 9 years.... And I love where I live and I'm not going anywhere.

This Regularly Scheduled Broadcast is Interupted

Because I am not finished talking about my holiday. The social commentary comes next. You knew that was coming, didn't you? But anyways, not today.

On Monday I had a nap. One of those naps that feel like you really cannot do anything else but sleep and when you sleep it is deep and so very hard to wake up. I had spent the morning helping a pregnant friend in her garden and the day before my young, fit sister and I had a looooooong bike ride. So as usually happens with late afternoon naps, even if they are unavoidable, I couldn't sleep. Amy and I watched my all time favourite movie, "Out of Africa" which she had never seen and I lay tossing and turning in bed from 2am to 3 with Dean occasionally issuing sleepy, grunty complaints about my restlessness. I started to wonder if my dear friend was in labour. Then Andrew was at the door, just after 3am and it was her! I rushed around, grabbing stuff and headed over there to be with her children. I tell you, the distance between my place and hers, has never seemed so very far apart!

It is hard to find words to describe her birth. There was such joy and excitement. I sat with her as she groaned through her contractions. In between her eyes were bright and full of the awesome wonder of bringing life into the world. Then she was ready for her children so I went with their dad to wake them up gently. They were both instantly caught up in the sacred joy of this moment. P sat on my lap and whispered to me about what was going on. A sat by her mother's head, with her eyes full of excitement.

Then when she wanted to be alone, we went into a nearby room where we could still hear what was going on. A ran to get some good stories. I read to them between groans. When we could hear Mary Sue groaning and moaning, we stopped and closed our eyes and sent her our love and support and imagined her opening up. P whispered "Mommy's opening up... My baby's coming". They were so well prepared for the sounds and the experience. Their parents were so calm and full of joy that there was absolutely no fear in them. What an honour to be with them through this experience.



Then it was time to return to see the actual birth. I watched with them as their new sister emerged into the world. She came up out of the water with her eyes open, looking right away at her big brother and sister. A instantly a mother bear. I swear when the midwife took the baby from Mary Sue for the first time as she was getting out of the tub and the baby squawked and fussed, A grew 10 feet in seconds and told them she didn't think the baby liked being moved around like that! But soon she was nestled on dad's bare chest and very content.

Upstairs into the family bed. A in peaceful excitement and P so excited he couldn't hold still but never farther than 10 feet from his new baby. I left them there as the new day dawned and the birds sang. All 5 of them in the family bed with such peace and joy. I know I have used those words a lot but that is how it was. It was a perfect birth. Mary Sue was so completely in that moment and her family was with her, loving her, completely believing in her and so excited to meet this new member of their family.



I have never been at a birth other than those of my own children. What a precious gift my friend gave to me to be there with her children, whom I adore to witness their new sister into their lives.

Isn't she incredibly beautiful?!

Trip Reflections Part Three - Further West

The next morning we took it easy. I am always the first one up so I took the dogs and my journal to the beach. We were the only ones there except for the geese. I even found a wee patch of grass that wasn't covered in goose poop to sit on in the sun and write. Look at that? Isn't that a serene morning?







Kaetlyn wanted to see Terrace but Dean and Drew had had enough driving. So they hung out at Tyhee Lake and us girls headed another 2 hours Southwest. We stopped at all the spots. First one was Moricetown, just outside of Smithers. We got to watch some aboriginal fishermen catch salmon using only hand nets. Rhiannon walked down and put her hands in the Bulkley River. She put her hands in two of BC's great rivers on this trip.


It was a perfect day for a full view of the Seven Sisters.

And here is my first glimpse of the Skeena after 9 years...






Once we hit Terrace, first stop was here. The house I spent most of my teenage years in. The front yard used to be full of trees and shrubs and there were lots of flower beds. There are still 2 of the 4 cherry trees in the backyard.... and it is still white and green....

I went to see my jr high but it has been torn town. A new, very glamorous jr high now sits where the parking lot used to. They let me in to look around. Rhiannon and I walked on those same old streets that still looked the same!

We explored downtown to discover at least half of the stores empty, had ice cream and headed back to Smithers. Mission accomplished.
What was always spectacular about Terrace was not the shopping, anyways. It was the scenery - at the junction of 3 rivers (Nass, Kalum and Skeena) and with mountains on every side, it was green and majestic. I always felt so cradled, so safe inside that valley. Here is the view of two directions. I always remember it as beautiful there but every time I go back, I am in awe all over again at just how incredibly beautiful that spot is. It is easy to understand why the Tsiampsian have lived there for time immemorial.

The next morning we packed up again and headed toward home. Stopped in PG long enough to set off my Aunt's alarm and talk to the alarm company and the police.... We ended up in William's Lake for the night and ate delicious chicken at Bethany's place. We collected my youngest sister, Amy and squeezed into our van for the last stretch home. It got hotter and hotter as we got closer.

Trip Reflections Part Two - Further North

The next morning we woke up, ate breakfast and packed up and headed North to Prince George. After all these years, I still knew how to drive straight to my Aunt's house who lives in the same place she has since I was 5 or 6. And she keeps things in the same place, too. She doesn't like to change. So that was fun to still find the phone book in the same place after almost 40 years! There were a few changes, though and I made sure she knew I noticed! Auntie Heather was leaving the next day for Nanaimo so after lunch and some visiting, I took my kids on somewhat of a PG retrospective while she packed. I mean in grade 1 in PG, I went to 3 different schools. We moved ALOT! It would have taken a week to show them everything. So we did the highlights. First stop was 910 Gillette where Laura was born and then I zipped around the corner to find my childhood friend's parents in the house I left them in 25 years ago. We stopped and visited for about an hour and a half and was well hugged and reminded of how well loved I have been in my life. They were my home away from home. Even when we lived in Terrace, when I came into town, I was dropped off there on our way into PG.

Then it was over to Fir Street and Miller Addition and Fort George Park. Rhiannon sat in the old fire engine in the driver seat where me and my brothers sat before her. And we walked along the edge of the mighty Fraser which was looking rather lovely that evening, I will have to admit. Rhiannon and Dean went down to a little beach and Rhiannon put her hands in the Fraser and collected some river rocks. Kaetlyn took some great pics but she hasn't downloaded them yet. All that was left of the old fort was one tower.

After a swing buy the church I helped to build, we were back at my Aunt's for a BBQ with my cousin Bonnie and her husband, Mike. There were hamburgers and chips and some Portuguese golf and then it started to rain. And it rained and poured and we were snug inside my Aunt's house. After dinner, there was a very golden, dramatic sunset complete with 2 full rainbows. I drove them out to our house off of North Kelly - the last place we lived in PG when I was 17 - the house I left home from. And I talked about Jordan's dog, Cooter who was my walking companion and drove where I used to walk - up to Ferguson Lake which is now a preserve. And the sunset was spectacular and they really got to see PG at its best!

The next morning we packed up. Uncle Dennis improved on my packing system by strapping the food box and a cooler to the roof in true Uncle Dennis fashion, and admonished me not to go faster than 70 miles an hour with that stuff on top. Then we headed Northwest to Lake Tyhee in Telkwa just beside Smithers. We stopped in Houston for the traditional ice cream at the Husky station only to find it boarded up... How could they do that in the 9 years since the last time I was there?! We arrived by 3pm and had all our tents set up in record time so we could make K'San before it closed. In my memory, Hazelton was a mere 5 minutes away from Smithers. Turns out it is an hour drive...

K'San was great. It was raining when we got there and the weather was very moody and dramatic. Here is Stekyaden whose peak dominates the Hazeltons and K'San. And here is the Bulkley River has it flows the last few kilometres before flowing into the Skeena.














The moody sky and a view of a canyon that starts with H and I won't even try to spell...














And then back at our campsite, not a drop fell. It was a beautiful evening.

Trip Reflections Part One - Barkerville

I should have taken a picture of the loaded van as we left. Most people think that there is no way I could get all that stuff and the 5 of us into our minivan. Dean says of my packing "She believes anything is possible". It is true that I am a wizard of cramming stuff into our van... But I must say that it would all work better if my children were amputees. Those darn legs are such a nuisance. And I pack stuff into every conceivable place. How we got the two dogs in as well, is one of life's mysteries. We were aiming to leave at 6am but when I went to bed at 4am after finishing cleaning the living room where our housesitter would be sleeping, I knew that plan was not very practical... I woke up at 8am and we were out of here by 10am. We were supposed to meet my twin sisters and a husband at Barkerville for dinner that first night but being Clarkes as we are, we missed each other. Too bad, those were really excellent greek pork chops we brought, Bean!

The next day we were rather tired but we spent most of the day wandering around Barkerville. Then we all went back to the campsite and had naps before dinner. I loved that it was still so much the same as it was when I was a child. They brag that they haven't changed their displays in the 50 years since it opened (1958).

I especially remember this one - the "painless tooth extraction".
Kaetlyn and Drew explored together for most of the morning.








Rhiannon and I sat down a lot. Here she is in front of the last person who lived in Barkerville fulltime until he died in 1979. He was an active gold miner.

Dean and Rhiannon went for a stage coach ride together.











Drew claimed to be exhausted and Kaetlyn and I left him sitting on a bench to browse the jewelry store. The next thing we know, he passes us with 3! girls - all of them dressed in Chinese clothes!

Rhiannon's favourite part was the lesson she attended in the old schoolhouse.


We had spectacular Caribou weather. Sunny and cloudy in the low 20's and only a wee light sprinkling of rain one afternoon. The campsite (Lowhee) was beautiful and the people were friendly. Blueberries were growing everywhere. A good start to our holiday!

Why I have such a great appreciation for Okanagan weather....

It seems my children will really get to see what summers in Northern BC were like. Rain is forcasted for everyday we are away. Every time I check the environment Canada website, the forcast is worse! At last check, a high of 14 degrees forcasted for Monday in Smithers.... hmmm, going to go pack another fleece...