Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Stretched and Ripped Off

I have been sitting here reading a good dose of my sister's blog posts - almost everyone had a new one from the last time I read and eating a good bowl of borscht made from a rooster named Paganini whose death Laura witnessed. He was the fattiest rooster I have ever cooked - I should have skinned him first. By the time I was done scooping all the fat off the top of the broth, 1/3 of it was gone! He's delicious, nonetheless but that is not what I am writing about today.

Sitting here sipping warm soup, I have to face it. Summer is over. Usually September is a lovely month. Even as the nights get longer, the days are still hot. Its not uncommon to have 30 degree days. It is a time we like to go to empty beaches and swim. The latest I have ever swam in the lake is Sept 30 and it was awesome. I doubt that will happen this year. Since the end of August it has been cool and damp - highs during the day of less than 20. I've been wearing long pants, sweaters and socks! And I had to give in and turn the heat on. And I NEVER turn it on before October - and usually I aim for Eryn's birthday, Oct. 18, which I did the year she was born.

So I feel ripped off. There were still summer things I thought I had time to do. I had a lot of company this summer, which was wonderful. I loved seeing my brother and his family, Bethany, Sarah and Laura - I was pretty lucky to see so many siblings! But I never got a holiday. We had to kibosh our original plans to go camping with Katie and Sarah the beginning of July because a) we were worried the van wasn't up to it and b) because of an extremely expensive chicken coop, we were behind on having the money to replace it. Then we were going to go somewhere close in mid August but by then, the van really had died a peaceful death - the transmission went. We were expecting it but hoping for a little longer. We are in the process of making payments on a new-to-us van. Anyways, that kept us homebound. I feel like I facilitated several other people's holidays but haven't had one. Although me and the kids made it to Winnipeg and had a great time in May, we didn't have our family holiday, which usually involves water, a tent, and nothing else to do but camp. I love those times as a family - they are precious. But the time for that has past. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving at Katie's and I hope to get at least a little of that. We are planning on taking a couple days off so we will be there for longer.

So, I didn't get the recharging that I usually do in the summer. And right now I am working on some really hard (for me) things. I feel really stretched. The kind where there is nothing to do but put my head down and watch my feet make one step after another. I seem to do that with big shifts - put myself in a position where there is a choice between dire consequences (crash and burn) or do this thing I am afraid of doing. I am not too fond of crashing and burning so I am doing it. What exactly 'it' is, I am not going to share just now. Nothing bad, just my own development and growth that I am sure is very easy for some other people.