So what happens when you read this opinion I have of myself? What is your reaction? Do you agree? Do you think I am joking? Are you glad I am embracing my wonderful-ness? Are you disgusted? Disappointed? Do you think I am deluded? Vain? 'Over' confident? What is your reaction?
Because your reaction has nothing to do with me and the veracity of my claims about myself. But it will show you what you believe about yourself and your own wonderful-ness. Because I am no more wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, incredible or amazing than you. And it illustrates the point that what we believe of others is only a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. "Take nothing personally" is the second agreement of 'The Four Agreements' by Miguel Ruiz. I'm listening to the tapes (which are overdue from the library...) for the 3rd or 4th time. Which not only means that what others think of us and say to us is not really about us but about them but it also means that what we think about others and say to them is not really about them but is about us.
I am struggling even writing this post. The truth is that as soon as I write those words about myself - about my wonderful-ness - that it sets off a series of negative volleys of criticism. I am afraid no one will like me if I like myself. Afraid that if everyone knew how much I secretly love myself, that would be the clincher and they would be disgusted with me. Or they could see my faults and shortcomings so clearly that they would feel sad of my delusions.
This self-criticism is lovable, too. What a wonderful part of myself who DOES know of my true worth and seeks only to protect me from harm! What a gift to have had such a protector when I really needed one! And now I loving release this loving protector. It is amazing how the self-talk inside myself calms down and I can breathe and my heart calms down when I acknowledge the once-helpfulness of my self-criticism and the intention of my self critic. I don't believe that our inner critic is really out to destroy us or to keep us down. In a certain situation at a certain time - usually when we were vulnerable children, that voice protected us from hurt. Mine protected me. Love is the only answer - even when it means loving those parts of myself that have held me back.
5 comments:
i agreed with you.
me too. and i thought it was good that you were having such a positive self-affirming experience and that we should have them more often.
Hi Chick, I'm back from the smokey Osoyoos. It actually wasn't bad at all, once we got through Manning Park. Couldn't smell the smoke, though we could see the haze on the mountains.
Thanks for dropping by.
"Are you glad I am embracing my wonderful-ness?" - absolutely!
YES, you are. Congratulations for coming out of the closet!
xo
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