I woke up feeling very discouraged this morning. Last night, I got into a fight with my sister who is mentally ill. It was an especially bad fight or a big one but it felt terrible. It is the first time I can ever remember fighting with her and certainly the first time I ever lost my temper with her. I instantly regretted it (upon hanging up) and sent her an e-mail acknowledging where she was right but being firm with my own boundaries and striving to be more loving.
Yet I still felt bad. My 2 half egos were working on me - one trying to shrink me with my shame and self-judgement and the other trying to blow me up with grandiose thoughts of superior spirituality (like there could possibly be such a thing!) I wrote in my journal and lit a candle for myself and my sister. And then I went for my scheduled bike ride. As I pedalled around Middleton Mountain, up and down the hills (feels like mostly up), it occurred to me as I sweat and pushed myself up yet another hill. It doesn't matter if I get off my bike and walk up the hill as long as I am headed in the same direction.
So I was slowed down a bit by the sad altercation with my sister but I am still on track and headed in the right direction.
So there is my thought for the day!
6 hours ago