Friday, December 01, 2006

A Dream

Did I ever have a dream the other night. I dreamt there was a pregnant woman - hugely pregnant - 8 to 9 months. This man was angry at her. He was furious. He threw her down on the floor and ripped her clothes off (it wasn't a sexual thing - it was anger) and he started beating her with both hands, beating her in a frenzy on her pregnant stomache. She was writhing on the floor, laying on her side, trying to curl up into the fetal position. I could see that she was pregnant with twins. I was horrified and scared and I had to stop the man. I ran over and pulled him up off of her. He was like an automaton - he was now standing but his arms were continuing to move - in a chopping motion - like he was a robot and couldn't tell that he was no longer hitting her.

I woke up with my heart pounding.

As I was driving Rhiannon to her piano lesson, my mind went over the dream again and I was wondering what it meant and it suddenly came to me. I believe that in dreams we are actually every person in the dream - every person represents an aspect of myself. (which is really true in life as well) The pregnant woman represents things that are about to be brought into fruition by a higher part of myself - my dreams for my family and the Inner World School and the work I have to do in the world. She is obviously a good omen - many good things (twins) about to be born. The man represents a lower part of myself. A part concerned with survival. A part which has been freaking out since it got way too cold to wash windows. A part afraid that we will not survive the winter. And it was mercilessly beating that higher part of myself - the one about to birth great things - with fears, stress and worry. Interestingly the end of the dream shows that the beating was not actually malicious - but an automatic response.

As soon as I processed the dream, a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. It really is pointless to worry and project all those negative ideas and experiences into my present and the future. I only rob the moment of happiness and joy. Faith. I need to have faith in the birth of 'the twins'. I could see them moving vigorously inside her stomach. They were large and strong.

So I have been feeling better. I have a ways to go to let go of all my worry but I am doing better. And I will keep working on it. I always come back to this place but I am getting out of it faster and faster. One day I won't come here at all.

So thank you to all of you for your support. I sold a hat already - my favourite one that I almost kept for myself. That fills me with hope, too.

I love you all!

No comments: