More Firsts

See that wee brown egg? That was produced by Carmel - the very first chick that was hatched by a hen on our farm (whose mother was later killed by a hungry young bear). She is just barely 4 months old so that is rather exceptional. And I am very pleased. Isn't it a cute little brown egg?

And see that giant white egg beside it? That was produced by our rather high strung Danish Leghorn - I only ended up with one - all the rest of the leghorn chicks turned out to be roosters and now live in the freezer... Anyways, that is her first egg, too. She, of course is well more than 6 months old.... At least she popped out a big one!

A Day Among Days

So, Eryn says that I always make this day about me. But hey, this my blog and I get to write in here about what I want to write about and about my life, my perspective. And 23 years ago, this was the biggest day of my life. The day I became a mother. I suspect that one day, when she holds a little tatooed baby in her arms, she will understand. It is a day I always mark in my own way. This is the day my life changed forever in ways I could have never predicted.

I adore her. I adored her from the first moment I looked into her muddy blue eyes - so intensely looking back at me. She was definitely not born into the best circumstances. I was only 21 and I had a whole lot to learn about myself, about life although at the time, I thought I had it all figured out.

She saved me and I saved her. I have no doubt that our Souls already knew and loved each other and that we made promises to each other. I know she has a very strong spirit. She would have to have gone through all the things that we went through together and all the things she suffered because of my immature parenting and my own self-centred-ness to be the person she is today. It is a credit to her own perseverance; to her own strength of character; to her own soul.

Sometimes she looks at me with those deep brown eyes in such a way and it pierces me to the depths of my soul and I know her - more than just as her mother in the way that mothers and daughters know each other. I KNOW her from more than this lifetime. And I love her so much - bigger than my heart can hold. In that moment I am as overwhelmed with love for her as I was when I first met her.

I thinks she is amazing - beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent and determined. And on this day 23 years ago, I was blessed with being her mother. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Changes

So, I haven't been blogging much - not that I have ever been especially consistent... its not in my nature. Its all been part of what I have been considering - about being true to myself, about what I have to offer and what I am doing right now. Fall is a good time for these kinds of thoughts - season changes are good for clearing things out and the Equinox is good to remind me about balance in my life.

Anyways, lots of thinking and lots of journal writing. I've been feeling particularly productive. I have been thinking a lot about why I blog, too, but that's not what this post is about. I came to one conclusion. I am letting go of selling hats. I mean if anyone wants to buy any of the hats I have already made, I am happy to sell them. And I am sure my pile will gradually dissipate the more visits I get from my family, at the very least. I just decided it wasn't the best use of my time. It came out of a time and feeling of desperation and I don't really want to act from there. I think I have other things to offer that are more important. Important in terms of content and also important in terms of me and my development.

I came to this conclusion this last weekend when I was scheduled to do the outside Farmers' Market in Kelowna - supposed to be very good one for selling hats. The forecast was for -7 that morning. I realized how unprepared I was to do such a thing in cold weather. And then I realized that I really didn't want to do what I had to do to be prepared. It was kind of a half-assed kind of thing and I did not really want to put all my effort and energy into it. There are other things I DO want to put all my energy and effort into and I'm going to focus on that. Stay tuned on further developments I've been working on.

Sometime if I have nothing better to do, I may indeed go to a farmer's market or some similar thing to sell what I have already made but I am not going to work at making new hats unless I want to wear one or make one for someone in my family or as gifts or at the request of dear friends. There are other things I want to knit. And truthfully, scurrily (that is not a word but I just made it up - you get the meaning, right?) knitting hat after hat, is hard on my wrists and I end up with 'tennis' elbow if I am not careful. I'm ready for a new challenge and I have it all picked out. I'm going to attempt to knit Andrew a sweater for Christmas. I already picked out the pattern and I already have the yarn which I bought on sale in the summer...

What I Have Been Doing - Tomato-ing

Isn't that a thing of beauty? The deep yellow are my Dr Wyche's yellow tomaotes, the green are green zebra and the pale yellow are yellow globe tomatoes. I can them without red because otherwise the red takes over.







But I love my reds, too. See this tomato? That is not a small cutting board and that is a rather large paring knife.










A sink full of red goodness.

It all equals more than 50 quarts of canned tomatoes in the cold storage room and a good start on our year's supply of salsa.

Anyways, that's where I have been instead of here.

What's Exciting Me These Days

I am ridiculously excited. I may be weird in what excites me. Its certainly not shopping (not even in a yarn store, sorry Sarah) or new shoes or even a new car. This summer my mom gave me her old pressure canner. Its a huge pressure canner - fits 42 1 cup jars or 24 pints or 20 quarts at once. And then I got a source of cheap local salmon. So, of course, I canned it. 24 pints of it. I had no idea how long that would take when I began the task. Me, who likes to be in bed by 10 at the latest, was up until 3am. It takes 110 minutes to can salmon and it takes a long time for the pressure canner to get up to pressure with that much stuff in it, apparently. I can't tell you how exciting that whole process was for me - a kid with a new toy. And then the feeling of satisfaction as I added the jars to my cold storage room. 24 pints of canned salmon.

And then! The kind young (and good looking) man brought me more salmon and sold me a smoker very cheaply. He even filleted all 10 fish for me and didn't charge me extra. So now I have 20 - 40 lbs of smoked salmon in my freezer. I AM SO EXCITED!!! Smoked salmon! I love it! And this feeling that we are not only going to survive this winter, we are going to feast.

I mean really feast. Because the other thing that has been exciting me is bringing in my harvest which I have spent the last 3 days tirelessly doing in preparation for last night's freezing temperatures. I might have complained about how the squash took over my garden, but now with the huge piles of squash strewn around my house (hope we are not going to get tired of squash as decor because the cold storage room is already full of it...) and the 100lbs + of green tomatoes ripening (in my office for now) I am thrilled. The size... the variety... mmmmm, baked squash.... pumpkin pie... Above is the kitchen counter pile.

And here is the entryway pile errr, I mean... seasonal decoration:


And here is what my office looks like although I can't even get all the boxes of tomatoes in one shot...






And then! That is not all! (as the Cat in the Hat would say) On Saturday I had a soap making workshop here at the house. She will be back on the 17th and then I will be making my very own soap. Real soap. Being self-sufficient - knowing how to do things, just damn excites me! I can't help it. To think of us feasting on salmon, lamb, chicken, tomatoes, salsa and squash all winter and luxuriating in long sudsy baths with soap that I made while the snow swirls down around us... I can hardly sleep just thinking about it! What can I say? I come from good pioneer stock on both sides of my family. I think I'm a throw back....hehe.