Entering my 45th year

You know, I must admit that there are times as a mother that I have wondered if my children see me at all as a person other than the one who 'provides' in their lives. But yesterday my kids out did themselves. Especially my daughters. Eryn made this most wonderful dinner - kebabs and veggie kebabs, beet salad, pasta salad, bruchetta and french bread and chips, white and red wine... and TWO cakes - one a divine chocolate from the Rebar Cookbook and the other the Citrus Poppy Seed from the same book to have with my traditional strawberries and whipped cream. Kaetlyn made one cake and did a lot of cleaning. The beet salad was amazing! It was all amazing. And they invited a few of my closest friends and put on a not-to-be-forgotten-ever evening. They even dragged Andrew into service. Erin knows how to get that boy to work. And of course the house was cleaned. It couldn't have been better in any way. It leaves a mother feeling very loved.

I must admit, although I won't go into it, that I have had a difficult first half of the year. A difficult year that started last November - big changes that I wasn't particularly looking for - sad changes. On New Year's Eve I put on a crystal type necklace that Drew had given me a couple of years earlier for Mother's Day. I think it was a green hematite but I am not sure. I just wanted to wear green - I felt like I needed its healing energy. And I didn't take it off. And then my grandpa died in January and I kept it on. Some really hard things in my life took shape and I kept on wearing it. In fact, I wore it straight through until July 1 without ever taking it off. It was a really hard first half of the year.

And then it was time to take it off. This is one of the cool things about having a birthday at almost the mid-point of the year - a great time to review my year and do little symbolic things and think about what I have in my life and where I would like to go. Hey this year, I even got a full moon and the perfect party from my wonderful children!

It is time to let go of the first half of the year. And I feel big shifts in my life - not outside so much as inside.

This is, perhaps, a vague post about small things. But sometimes small things are big things. Last night, under the full moon, I went to bed wrapped up in the love of my family and friends and felt very blessed and certain of the direction of my life.