Saturday, July 22, 2006

The Process

Well, this last few days have really confirmed to me again how important it is just to acknowledge our feelings without judgement and sometimes without even understanding. I believe it was Scott M. Peck in his book "The Road Less Travelled" who said that neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering" - basically denial.

Before I realized and acknowledged what I was feeling, I was heavy with feeling 'blah'; unable to get excited about anything; procrastinating important things; restless, bored and tired. Once I finally faced my grief and fear, it felt like a backpack full of rocks had been lifted off my back. Once I allowed myself to be sad, I could once again be joyful and happy and passionate about my life again. When we repress uncomfortable feelings, we also repress all the 'good' ones, too. Once I allowed myself to be sad about Erin going, I learned a lot about myself. Most of my emotion was really about myself - about my own feelings about my relationship (or lack of relationship) with my own mother in my 20's. Once I allowed myself to really feel my feelings, sit with them, acknowledge them, talk about them, I could aslo genuinely feel happy for her and so very proud of her and more at ease about her going.

And I am amazed again at this experience of being human that drives us towards integrity. I am in awe again that it is really true, "feelings aren't good or bad, they just are".

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