Sunday, January 13, 2008

Dream number 2, Part 3 of 6

Taken from my journal dated January 4, 2008

"Another dream last night. This time I dreamt we moved to Cranbrook. I wanted a job as a teacher. I had a resume that someone had made for me. It had pictures on it but I couldn't see them until I showed the resume to someone else. I had an interview at a school in Cranbrook and when I handed my resume to the lady conducting the interview, I could see they were beautiful pictures of me interacting with children. Even I was in awe of this view of myself.

"The woman conducting the interview was amazed by the pictures and she said it was clear that I had 'the gift' - that she could see it clearly in the way I was with children.

"But then I thought to myself, "What were you thinking? You don't even have a teaching degree."

To me, this dream explains the dream of the night before about being a Queen and not acting like it. It is the same dream from different aspects. This shows me my belief that keeps me from acting like the 'queen' I am. I do have a gift for working with children. I adore children and I have always loved working with them - ever since I first became the music person for Jr Sunday School when I was barely 12 myself. I adore my little dance students and I absolutely love dancing with them. And I yearn to realize my dream of having a school that is a part of a community and is based on the actual data we have about how the brain works and how people learn - a school based on 'unschooling' principles and one that looks at the entire person and not just academics and that values all kinds of learning and skills and that serves children as they are and recognizes different learning modalities instead of trying to make everyone fit into the same mould and if they don't sending them to learning assistance. A school that doesn't separate children from parents and take over home life. A school that serves children instead of children serving the institution.... and I could go on and on.

And yet I have been going about my life half-baked. I do have a degree. A degree in psychology. I don't regret getting it but it was more about proving to myself that I could get it - that I could follow through and do it. I always intended to do counselling with my degree. Yet I knew even before I graduated that really a BA is not enough to do it with. Although BC has no licensing procedure for counselling or therapy, in order to qualify to be apart of any registering body or to be covered by EAP programs, a BA is not enough. Besides that I am not your traditional counsellor or therapist. I am actually good at what I do - very good, even. I have a gift for connecting with people and helping them that has nothing to do with my degree. And I have been counselling since I got my degree. I struggled for a time to do it fulltime and I have been doing it very part time for the last several years. I have been doing the whole thing half baked. Not quite one thing or another and believing deep down that I should have an MA but not wanting one and having a conflicting belief that I didn't need one to do what I do.

In fact, this whole dream was an insight into my half-baked-ness - into conflicting beliefs and their consequences. The conflict of my insight into myself and my gifts that others also see and then my belief about why I can't do it. I had lots to process about this dream....

And sometimes it is easier to just forget about all that mess that I find confusing and disappointing and frustrating and just have a window washing business and who cares about all of that?.... That is when I bump into the old cedar tree or get a bee sting on the top of my head...

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