Saturday, January 19, 2008

What it all means (to me) Part 6 of 6

So, what it all means. Are you getting sick of my navel-gazing-dreams? At least Amy is enjoying my inner sojourn. That is enough to keep me writing as I fear I am boring everyone else...
Overall for me, there is a sense of events coming - things just around the corner - something just out of my grasp that I am working towards. And not so much the sense of things inevitably coming towards me but of me working towards these events - the fulfilment of my dreams and my heart's wishes. I had another dream the night before last - this time of eggs - eggs that had not had ideal incubation and I thought wouldn't hatch yet they hatched perfectly - even the way they cracked out of their shells was perfect - the shells were cracked perfectly in half.
These dreams reveal to me my own power that I am currently unaware of - that my fears that my inadequacies have sabotaged my dreams are unfounded. Yet it reveals to me the thoughts and beliefs that are currently limiting me.

And how does it all relate to Bozenka's story? Well, recently I have "bumped into an old cedar" and been "stung on the head" and I realize this is a loving reminder of my purpose in life. That all things happen for my good - for my edification.

And what is my purpose in life? I believe that my purpose in life is to be Andrea and that all the things that happen to me and the things I strive towards are about actualizing myself. I believe that is the purpose of everyone's life. And for some, religion might help them do that. For others being an artist, or an engineer, or a mother or a father or a window washer or...? might help them. Usually there are different things at different times in our lives that lead us to ourselves. I know that for Dean and I, that our window washing business is a means to keep us afloat right now and we are grateful for it but it is not the end. Dean is actively working towards what is fulfilling and meaningful to him with his music. Of course for me, I have many fulfilling things in my life - like being a mother, my friendships with women who inspire me. And I know there is more. And these recent 'bumps and stings' have been to refocus me on these other pursuits in the unfolding of myself to myself.

I have the sense that I am on the threshold. I grew up with a lot of struggle and struggle has been a big part of my life. For a long time I think I mistook struggle for effort - that in order to accomplish things, I had to suffer and struggle. I feel like I am finally moving past this idea - hence my word for 2008 is EFFORT as I contemplate this year the difference between effort and struggle. This year I want to put effort toward what is really important to me instead of struggling toward my goals. And in my dreams, there is a sense of accomplishing it - of having accomplishing with ease. And also reassuringly in my dreams is the reassurance that my dreams are still potent. Sometimes I fear that I have permanently sabotaged myself but I see that despite my own freaking out and fears that the effort I have put in and am currently putting in will indeed come to fruition. Kind of like only giving myself credit for my destructive power and not credit for my power to create. I am still processing what these dreams mean to me but I am encouraged, uplifted and inspired by them and refocused. I am reminded to act like the Queen I Am. I am reminded of my gifts and to challenge my beliefs that limit me. I am reassured that despite my freaking out, 'it' is coming. And my heart is encouraged that one day it will all be easy.

3 comments:

bum.by.the.sea said...

hey, I could see you writing a book.

Andrea said...

Thanks, Ames! Although I should probably work on not using reassuring in the same sentence... reassuringly reassured... hmmm

Mary-Sue said...

Cool! I just read your past few posts (starting with Bozenka's story). You'd told me most of the dreams but it was interesting to read them in full detail and see what you're making of them all. You just need the "it" now. I finish reading with a sense of you needing to find what the "it" is that you're yearning for! What is "it" all about? Can it come if you don't know what it is? Will you recognize it? And have you thought any more about what we'd talked about on the phone that day? Have you talked to your landlady?
Eager to hear/read more...