Saturday, June 10, 2006


So, I am a person with very tight shoulders. I carry all my worry there. And really, I have been realizing lately, I worry a lot. Not that I think that I speak of my worries a lot to others but mostly I carry it all inside - and in my shoulders. I worry about my family. I worry for my husband and our relationship. I worry for my daughters, for my son, for how well I do as a parent. I worry. I worry about Erin going to Montreal. I worry about how she is going to get there and how she will live when she is there. I worry. I have just been realizing how very much I actually do worry. Maybe it is because I am such a strong person and I always find a way to make it work for myself and I worry for my husband and my children that they will give up too early and I want to do it for them but know that I can't. And so I worry more...

So anyways, my good friend Bozenka and I worked on the summer brochure for the Inner World School until late in the night. Then I had to drive her the 45 minutes out to her house. On the quiet way home after midnight in the dark, I was concentrating on breathing deeply and letting go of all the worry and strain that was pressing on me and trusting that everything is as it needs to be and my family has their own lessons to learn and they are strong and they will figure it out in their own way and in their own time. I don't have to be strong for everyone. I can't anyways... I was focussing on loving myself and really letting that in and sweep over my shoulders and down my back.

Then I felt hands lightly on my shoulders and a voice said, "you have no need of this" and I knew it meant all the worry and stress I have taken on myself. I knew that I was loved and that I was in hands far bigger than my own and that Dean, Erin, Kaetlyn, Drew and Rhiannon were also in these hands and indeed, "the world is unfolding as it should". Because there is no other way. And I cried. I drove along highway 97, crying and releasing all that worry that serves no purpose but to weigh me down and contaminate my relationships. It was a wonderful drive!

And Rhiannon has slept through the last 2 nights! Now that was a good sleep!

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